Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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