Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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