Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
