Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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