She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
