ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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