First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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