i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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