Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize