Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
