I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
