it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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