I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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