Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm always down for nudity.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
