haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Randomize
