Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
