I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
third nipple confirmed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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