Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
