im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
