I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
