The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
