sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
