Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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