Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
