just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
