Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
