how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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