Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
