How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
