Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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