Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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