She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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