i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
