what day is it and did you see me today?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
