Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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