woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
