we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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