i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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