If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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