sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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