sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?