I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you