We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
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It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.