so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
