One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
25 Hilarious ‘Sex Clubs’ You Should Try To Join
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I could fuck to npr.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I said "one day" and that day is not today