saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?