Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
