If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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