omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
