i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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