Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
