listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
