I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
