I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
