Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
