Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize