i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
