i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
