i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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