My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
