in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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