All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
