I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
