Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize