you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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