The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
