Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My ass is underappreciated
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
