I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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