The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
