Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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