And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
