She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
