Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We have started to decorate penises.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
