i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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