he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
