trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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