I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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