I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
