and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
