You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
