i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
