The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
